So we've all been in an awkward situation. Maybe you went to the mall, and ran into that friend that you have that you dont particularly like, and they want to hang out with you. So, since you dont want to hurt their oversensitive feelings, you hang out with them for THREE HOURS, while they talk about every single detail in their life And they will keep talking, until your driven to almost want to just let loose a rabid dog on them. Or, another awkward situation is if your going to the movies, and you see your best friend. So, you go over to say hi, but their with their boyfriend/girlfriend/unsure. So, then you are standing there awkwardly with them and their boyfriend/girlfriend/other with a giant reaping awkward silence. The point is, we have all been there.
So. How do you avoid these situations? Here are a a couple of tips.
1. Your friend who is not really your friend at the mall.
So. you see that annoying friend you dont really want to be friends with at the mall, and they insist on hanging out. All you have to do, is carry a spider with you. When you carry a spider with you, as soon as you see them, make them turn away. Activate plan spider attack. As they turn away, put your little arachnid friend on their shoulder. As soon as they turn back, inform them of the spider on their shoulder. Almost always, your friend will freak out, giving you enough time, to run as if Chuck Norris was chasing you.
So, we all know how it feels to bump into your bestfriend, and their with their boyfriend/ girlfriend/unkown. If this situation happens to you, you usually just end up standing there awkwardly, until saying "well i gotta go." or something like that. But that doesnt need to be how things work. You could always, break out into song. You know how in musicals and movies and all of that, the people seem to continuously break out in song? Well thats all you have to do. Always carry your ipod with you, and make sure you can put it on speaker. When you put it on speaker, you find a song you can all sing along to. This will usually break the tension, and give you an excuse to sing. Make sure you also sing very loudly and off key.
So your friend tells you that they want to introduce you to one of their friends, named Alex. So you go to your friends house, and theres a person there. You smile, and get ready to say hi, when you realize something. You dont know if their a boy or a girl! Their hair is medium and could be either long guy hair, or short girl hair. So you look towards the face, but theres no makeup or any sign that their a girl, but their face seems to be femalish. So you go to the body, but they seem to be indifferent there too. You even try the clothes, but its a t-shirt and shorts that could go either way. So, you dont want to get caught staring at them, but you honestly dont know what they are. So you introduce yourself and they say "Hi, im Alex." In a voice thats either deep for a girl or high for a guy. You finally lean towards a very feminine guy. So you say "Nice to meet you man." But then, a look of shock comes over their face, and you know youve messed up. Now their ranting you about how much of a girl they are, and you have a giant blush on your face. So. What do you do now? You start quoting Shakespeare. If you quote Shakespeare, they may forget about your simple mistake, and wonder why on Earth you are quoting Shakespeare. Or, you could also start talking about history. You could go on and on until their bored mind falls asleep. Or, you could even quote Shakespeare while telling about history, and relating the two.
4. Getting Caught doing something Stupid.
Another thing that we all have done, is getting caught doing something stupid. So, lets say that your supervisors are gone for the day. Your all alone at home. So, you go put on a pair of loose shorts, and a white button down shirt, with socks, and start doing the dance scene for Risky Business. You know all of the steps, and have the music blasting. The music is in fact, so loud, you dont hear the door open. So here you are, dressed like Tom Cruise, dancing to Risky Business. Your screaming it at the top of your lungs. and as you get to "I LIKE THAT OLD TIME ROCK N ROLL!" you hear somebody laughing. So , you freeze, and slowly turn around to see your best friend with their phone out, video taping you. You are so mortified that anybody saw this, that your run and hide. So. What should you really do? You should tackle your friend. Once you tackle your friend, steal their phone and erase the video. So, then, you find a chair and some rope. You tie your friend to this chair, and grab a ruler. Speaking in a bad russian accent, you say "So. do you vant to tell anybody about zis?" and if your friend says no, you can let them go, and run to get changed. If they say yes, hit them with the ruler. Repeat this, until they say no.
So your home alone again, and get bored. On Facebook, everybody is talking about the Justin Bieber video. Now, your friends HATE justin bieber. but you kind of like him. Its not that you think the music is good.... you just might kind of somewhat like the lyrics. So, you decide to sneakily watch it while nobody is around. You even start singing to yourself. Then, your singing loudly. Your smiling too. So you turn around. You forgot that your best friend lives next door, and you forgot that she knew how to get into your house if there is an emergency. So you look behind you, and there she is, holding your dog. Your dog must of gotten out while your were watching Justin Bieber. So, your watching this, while your friend is in shock, holding your little dog. So you try to close the page down, but it wont go down. Because when your embarassed, the world hates you. So, what now? The best way to go is memory erasing gell. But, if you dont have any of that, you deny everything. You deny it, by telling them that they love Jbeebs. When they deny it, put out a bunch of random words. Then, ask them what you were just talking about. They will get confused, and forget, and your Jbeeb secret, is safe.
6. Embarrasing Stain
So. Today, you went to lunch and ordered a burger with chilli cheese fries. You forgot to eat breakfast, and werent hungry last name, so right now your STARVING. your with your friends, so your not embarassed to eat like a pig. So, you do. You shovel that chili into your mouth. Once your done, you notice you spilled a little on your shirt. No big deal. So you go and get a jacket to cover up the chilli cheese. So you come back, the stain is gone, and you sit down. When you sit down, you hear a squish. You think "this would happen to me." because today, you decided to wear white pants. So you get up, and look down. You sat in chilli cheese fries. They had spilled when you got up. So, now you have a giant red-brown stain on your white pants. Your jacket isn't big enough to cover it. So what do you do? well, if you have a dog, walk the dog around. People will be so concerned about the adorable dog that your walking, they wont notice your pants. If you are sadly dogless, steal a friends pants. Im sure that you have a friend that would let you use their pants. Usually go for baggy jeans. Then, you dont even have to take off the white pants. If no friend will let you use their pants, just steal their pants. They'll get over it eventually.
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