ACCIDENTS PART TRES

So. we have come to the 3rd part of this epic series of accidents ive had. As you can see, im an accident magnet. Its kind of annoying really. I mean, im always getting hurt. Well for those of you that like bikes, blood, teeth, and/or bricks, i bet you will LOVE this story.

AGE EIGHT.
So. When I was eight years old, I LOOOOVED riding my bike. I even named it Emily. I would ride that blue bike every day, after school. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I remember I would go on morning bike rides, and then I would meet up with my friend Alli, and we would both ride up and down the neighborhood.

That bike, was kind of like... one of my best friends.

So, one morning, I decided to take my bike out for a nice bike ride.

So, I started pedaling on my bike. It was a really pretty day out. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was having alot of fun. It was a sunday morning, and I was the only person outside. It was great. So, after about an hour, I decided to come back home.

So, next to my house, was a little ditch thing. I never really knew what it was, but it was made of brick. I remember one of my friends fell off the side of it in a split, and had to be taken to the hospital, but I never knew exactly what it was for.

 So... it doesnt look quite like this. Its flat but I didnt really know how to show that... Its a hole in the ground pretty much. So, my parents cars, were parked rather inconveniently. So, I just decided to go around them, next to the bricks. On my bike.

So, I took Emily around the cars. I was almost around the cars, when I saw my dads trucks sidemirror. Of course, I leaned to the side, to avoid the mirror. But, apparently I leaned over a little too far, because I lost my balance. I tried to put my foot down on the edge of the bricks, but it was too late.

I indeed did give the brick a hug. And a kiss. And a tackle.

So, after I became close to the brick (literally) I knew I was in pain. There was something in my mouth, and I tasted something weird. My face was really warm, and it hurt. I screamed. Immediately, my mom ran outside. Im surprised she didnt scream, because I looked like this:

It was pretty gross. (oh and by the way, thats just hair on my head there... sorry...) So my mom came out, and picked me up, and carried me inside. I had actually knocked out one of my baby teeth. I remember crying as I walked inside. I was crying like crazzy too. It was bad. I have a picture of it somewhere... well my mom got me some neosporin. i swear that is like miracle meds.

So, after putting Neosporin on my face, and putting a bunch of bandaids, my mom made me go lay down for a while. That night, I got a nice little visit from the tooth fairy, and got $10.00 instead of $5. I registered for the "Trauma" plan. Its under her insurance policy.

We never actually went to a doctor... but I did get ten bucks!!! To this day, you can see wheere my face hit the brick hole. Not on my face, but if you look at the hole. Its pretty obvious. At least we had the Trauma Awareness Plan...

Coming tomorrow: Age Nine.

ACCIDENTS PART DOS

So, last time, we were talking about how I broke my arm. So, if you liked that story, then your going to love:

AGE SEVEN.
So, when I was seven years old, I was in love with my trampoline. Me and my friends had all sorts of games that we used to play on it. It was kind of like a social center for us. We had a bunch of totally weird games we would play on it. Like: Trampoline Tag. Graveyard. and a bunch of other totally weird games.

The trampoline was pretty awesome. It was like the little funshop of the neighborhood. There has never been many kids in my neighborhood. There was maybe, at most, 10 of us. So one day, my friend Alli, and her brother Chris and her sister Megan, all came over on a nice pretty summer day. So, we all decided to play a game called Monster, where you would jump towards a person, but you couldnt touch the lines on a trampoline.

So, after a while of awesomely fun playing on my trampoline, we were blinded by the fun, awesomeness. So, Alli, Megan, and Chris accidentally jumped at the same time, and I was the unlucky person, who was standing still. So, with the weight of all three of them combined, I started to fly. There was a second, before I hit ground, that I felt like the queen of the world. Time, stood still, and I was flying.

But then...

I landed in the springs of the trampoline. Well... not me... but my foot. (Sorry about the awful quality of my drawing there by the way...) So my foot landed in one of the uncovered springs of my trampoline. I immediately started screaming. I dont really know what Alli, Megan, and Chris were thinking... Probably something like:

So after about a minute of screaming, my dad came out, and asked me what was wrong. For some reason, I seem to always cry to him... well anyways, he carried me inside, and told Megan, Alli, and Chris to go home. So he carried me inside. The next memory I have, is my parents gave me a Lunchable, and for some reason Alli was back, and Julia was there... well anyways I had like 4 ice packs on my leg, and probably looked something like this.

So, with my friends there with me, my parents made me get up and try to walk. It was kind of like in Frankenstein, when Dr. Frankensteins monster took his first steps. You know, with the moaning, and weird walking, and the green skin. It was pretty epic. It was also kind of like Jesus walking on water I guess... well until I fell...

Here I made this picture to show the uncanny resemblance. we could be twins right?
well anyways, we figured there may be something wrong with my ankle. So, my parents made some green beans, and all 3 of us got into our car. If you are wondering about the green beans, after breaking my arm, we found out that its good to eat something. So my parents gave me, and I quote, "something healthy and low carbs." your welcome for the free advertising there green beans.

So, we finally got to the hospital. I had my green beans, and my weird looking ankle, because it was all swollen up. As soon as we got there, they put me in a wheelchair. Wheelchairs, are officially the coolest things ever. I love them. I actually kind of forgot about my hurt ankle, because I was rolling around in the most awesome thing this planet has ever seen.

So, after about 2 hours, I was called into that same little room that I had when I was 6. They put the little thingy on my finger, but this time I didnt freak out. So, after that, they took me to another room where they took more Xrays. I was starting to get used to it. Well, afterwards, they told me I had a sprained ankle. For a 7 year old, this is kind of what that sounds like to you.

So, they gave me a pretty pink cast, for my leg. After putting on my cast, they gave me a set of crutches, and they gave me a lollipop. That sprained ankle, was the best thing that ever happened to me. People carried my books for me, and pushed me around in a wheeliechair, and I got to eat at the end of the table, and everybody signed my cast.It was pretty awesome. So, rather than my life being like this:               

It was really more like this:

Bottom line is, spraining your ankle is awesome.

Byy the way, sorry about all of the horror movie things... but just to tie it all off here you go:

I watched this movie last night... best movie EVER. I just wanted to say that.


Coming tomorrow: Age eight.

Accidents. Part one.

So, Ive written about alot of things. And so you all know I am HILARIOUS. But, you dont really know anything about me. So, Ive written this entry, about all of the beautiful wonderful accidents Ive had. I feel thats the only way to get close to someone. You can talk about the weather, and Britney Spears all you want, but I like to talk about all the injuries ive had. Im going to skip over the ones from 0-5 though because I dont really remember them enough. Im going to do one every day or week or something, but I would like to start with:


AGE SIX.

When I was six years old, my mom/dad would pick me up from school, and take me to the pool nearby. I loved that pool. I always had so much fun there! There were 2 big waterslides, swings, trampolines, pretty much anything that a kid could want. It was pretty epic. So, one day, my dad took me to the pool. After a few hours of swimming, and playing games with my friends, I decided to go to the playground. So, me and my dad played a game called Circus. It was a fun game. I would pretend to be an acrobat, (because i loved gymnastics) and my dad was my assistant. So there was this swingy barry thingy. I never really learned what it was. That thing was SOOOO fun. I would sit on it, and flip on it, and be awesome on it. So on that particular day, my pants were wet from the pool. So, they didnt haave much traction. So, I was doing the basics. I sat on top of the swing, and my dad pushed lightly. So, being a kid, I closed my eyes. As soon as I closed my eyes, I fell off the swing. This swingy thingy mabobberyjig was about 5 feet in the air. I feel on my bootay, with my arm underneath my bootay. I started crying immediately. All I could say is "IT HURTS! MAKE IT NOT HURT! DADDDYYYYY!" So, he followed his natural fathery instinct, and took me to get a drink of water.

So when the water didnt work, my dad didnt know what was wrong. I kept on crying, but he couldnt do anything. He thought it was my leg that had gotten hurt, but I couldnt muster the words to tell him that. So, I pointed at the waterslides with my good arm. Cause thats what 6 year olds think is *magical* so i thought maybe the magical ambassador of fun, could make me feel better. So I mounted the waterslide. I shouldve known something was wrong when I couldnt find the strength to pull myself to sit down.  I eventually got my friend Carter to help me sit down. (Atleast I think it was Carter... Carter if you read this know that your awesome) well, I made it to the water. But, when I actually hit legit water, It felt like Chuckie, Jason, and the Wolfman were all digging into my arm. I tried to be strong. I probably looked something like this:

I didnt want to cry in front of all of those people, even though tiny pain elves were stabbing at my arm. So, my dad picked me up, and carried me to the car. When we got there, I cried for about 20 minutes, on the way home. Finally, I was just doing sniffles. My dad tried as hard as he could to comfort me, but I dont think that a singing unicorn could make me feel any better.

So we got home, and I was still trying to be strong, and not cry. I sat in the chair in the living room, while my dad went to tell my mom what happened. She FREAKED. she was so surprised at what happened. She came into the living room, and did the broken arm test. I think I tried to bite her... After doing the test and getting bitten, she immediately put on her jacket, and started up the car, bringing me and my dad outside. I remember that the inner Krysten started to freak out. I knew we werent going to Chuckie Cheeses. We got to the hospital shortly after that, and it was kind of a blur. I remember I had to wait for like 2 hours. Then, they put a weird thingy on my arm, and I freaked out. 

So, after putting a weird thingy on my arm, they took me to a different room, where I threw up. So, they let me have a weird pink bucket, and took me to the X-Ray room. I was super scared. I had to roll over several times, while they flashed pictures of my arm. They declared I had broken my wrist in 3 different places. I got a big pink cast, and my arm immediately started itching. I hated that cast. The worst part is, I broke my Left arm so I still had to take notes. I remember I went to a pool party, and having to wrap my arm in a trashbag. But what I remember the most, was having to miss recess. After I broke my wrist in 3 places, I had to give up gymnastics for piano. But thats a different story,

TOMORROW: AGE 7

Laziness Disease

Out of all of the many diseases out there, there are lots of variety. Some make you think Chuckie is going to kill you, others make your stomach hurt, and some make giant velociraptors jump out at you. If you have any of these symptoms, you probably base your life around movies. besides the stomach hurt thing... if you have that go see a doctor. But for  the other two, you may be showing signs of LAZISCLEROSISIPHOBIAISIS. or in simple words, laziness disease. Its a disease that is spreading like wildfire. Tell your friends! Ive been infected! Dont let it spread!

Here are some symptoms for you to watch for:

1. Inability to get up.
After laying down for a couple of hours to watch a marathon of That 70's Show, Friends, Degrassi, or other, you feel something wrong. You look down and look at your stomach, and scream "HOLY FLYING FLAMING MUSTACHES! WHAT IS THAT?" that my friend, is your newly bulged stomach. Either you are pregnant, or have developed a side effect of Lazisclerosisphobiaisis.

2. Your face looks all weirdish

After developing this disorder/disease/HORRIFICMONSTROSITY you will have layed in your bed entirely awake, but refusing to get up. When you do get up after your friend __________ yells at you to get up, you get your mooch self up, and pretend to be doing something productive. But, the side effect has already taken over. You have drool smudged all around your face, a bagizzilion pimples, and a crease in your face at where the pillow touched you. You look like an idiot, and your breath smells like what I would imagine Forrest Gumps breath would smell like. Your friendd __________ looks at you weird, then shakes his head, pitying you and your lazisclerosisphobiasis.

3. You smell like dead fish
You probably will not have showered in several days, due to your lack of normalpersonness. You smell like a room of dead fish. No joke. When you walk out into traffic. Cars jump off of bridges to escape your stench. It gets so bad, that you make blind people see again, and people who can see go blind. You are more nasty than the inside of a McDonalds bathroom. PLEASE SHOWER. IMMEDIATELY. THAT IS THE ONLY CURE TO THIS SIDE EFFECT! USE SOAP! If you continue to not shower, and keep up this symptom, you will end up creating the zombie apocalypse. is that really what you want?

4. You can stand watching 72 straight hours of reality t.v.
Watching  a little bit of reality t.v. is never so bad. Watching the Bachelor every Monday night is not bad at all. But imagine watching 72 hours of it. No. breaks. If you can stand this, you are probably braindead, in a coma, or a victim of the Laziness disease.

5. You end up not knowing what real person pants look like.

After a while, your legs will only know what sweatpants and pajamas feel like. You will forget about all else.After a while, your lges will only be able to identify sweatpants and pajamas. You will go out in public, and you will wonder "what are those people wearing?" those are called either jeans or spandex. if you see spandex, run.

6. Death

At some point, you will become so unaware of the real world, with your Lazisclerosisphobiaisis, that you will end up dying, because you didnt realize that your boyfriend/girlfriend/unknown whom dumped you because they/it got sick of you not doing anything. So you forgot that they didnt live with you anymore. So you know that it was their job to chain up the house. So while your lying on the couch, eating cheese balls by the dozen, and washing it down with a XXL coke, you dont notice whats going on. You wonder what that weird THUD THUD THUD is, and why the Earth is shaking, and what is that warmth on your neck? Finally you turn around, and theres a velociraptor, in your house. It escaped from Jurassic Park, and it has now gruesomely eaten you.

As you can see, Lazisclerosisphobiaisis, is a very scary disease. Be afraid, and do the necessary steps to stay away from Lazisclerosisphobiaisis. What you should do, is get to cleaning things. I would suggest cleaning a friends house for free. If your my friend, I suggest you clean mine. Another thing you can do, is make sure to cook all of a friends meals. Also, make friends with people with Lazisclerosisphobiasis. If you do, then your friendes will mooch off of you, and you wont have time to acquire the disease. Hey, want to be friends?



Pirates Vs. Ninjas

So, right now, there is alot of debates on the Internet going on. Google Vs. Yahoo, mlia vs. DearblankPleaseblank, and Twilight Vs. Harry Potter. One of the biggest ones is the Pirates vs. Ninjas. Everytime the Pirates are in the lead with Jack Sparrow and Captain Hook, The Ninjas go get Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, and Jackie Chan. Its an ongoing cycle.

So, whenever I see people talking about this, I think of an epic war between Ninjas and Pirates. So, I want to share that story.

Captain Joe Smith looked off into the distance. 4 weeks on the high seas, had left him very anxious to reach Asia. The supplies was running low, and disease had taken over so many of the passengers.

Captain Smith decided he needed a break, so he decided to let a deckhand steer the boat. William Henry. Captain Smith went down into the cabin with his wife Elizabeth. Elizabeth seemed distracted by something. She looked off towards a painting, seeming far away. As if some sort of magic had taken over. "Their coming." she whispered. "Their coming." she said louder. Captain Smith ran to his wife. "Elizabeth?" he asked.

Elizabeth continued to look off into the distance. Captain Smith ran to the deck, looking for help, but it seemed nobody was around. Captain Smith ran to the edge of his ship, looking in the water for anyone, but nobody was there, and the boat, was standing still.

Suddenly, Captain Smith sensed something was terribly wrong. He looked around, and finally saw William. "William! What has happened to everyone?" Captain Smith asked desperately. William looked at him, frightened. "Their coming." he whispered. Captain Smith felt a presence behind him, and slowly turned around.

What he saw, terrified him.

It was,

a

bird. There was a small little seagull behind him. Captain Smith kicked at it, but the bird flew away. Captain Smith cursed to himself. But, not because of the bird, but a sharp pain in the back of his knee.

Captain Smith turned around again, and saw a man dressed in all black. The man took his fancy stick, and hit Captain Smith in several places. "This means war!" he yelled, wielding his sword at the man in black. "YOUR MASSIVE BLADE IS NO MATCH FOR MY SKILLS!" the strange man yelled, doing a double kick flip.

Captain Smith dodged. He saw several other of the men in black, and one woman. "What is this madness! Why do you do these things to my ship!" Captain Smith screamed. (He was a very polite pirate.) The man in black looked at him angrily. "You plimaged my brother. You killed my father. My name is Inigo Montoya. Prepare to die!"

Captain Smith glared. "Im not afraid infedel. Let me tell you a little secret. I. am. your. father." Captain Smith hissed. Elizabeth ran out on the deck, with her hairbrush. She hit the distracted ninja upside the head.

"You. are. not. my. father." the man barely said before blacking out. Elizabeth looked at him in horror. "Joe! What have we done?" she asked, horrified. Several of the ninjas came towards them at a speedy pace, when the door to the deck opened again. Captain Smith's daughter Isabella ran out.

"Help me! Father!" she screamed in horror. One of the ninjas was chasing her. Her brother Henry ran behind them. "Dont touch her!" he screamed, and cut off the pirates leg.













In the end, they all got along. The ninjas leg grew back, and Isabella ended up with the lead ninja as her husbamd, so in the end he really was Captain Smith's son. Elizabeth ended up leaving Captain Smith for another captain. Captain Morgan. the ninjas and the pirates put on this elite stunt, to get a movie deal. But, the whole Isabella and Elizabeth thing was true. The guy who played Captain Smith's son Henry, ended up playing a different Pirate who you may have heard of named Will Turner. After this happened, Captain Smith died of a heart attack at the fact that his son was playing in a movie with a girl named elizabeth. So, in the end, ninjas and pirates, are secretly best friends.

The luck clause.

So. Some people in life, are naturally lucky. They are born with money, and seem to have the LUCKIEST lives ever. Personally, I believe that there are tiny little luck elves, that like to reak havoc on people. I think that these little luck elves, are extremely mischevious, and know what their doing. These little luck elves, make sure that unluckiness will stay for a very long time, and they decide what luck should be used on.

These little luck elves, are very picky. If you anger a luck elf, be afraid. Luck elves can either make your life awesome, or they can make it miserable. They enjoy if you leave chocolate out for them. The people that leave chocolate out for the luck elves, they will do what you want. Say you want an A on your math finals. These luck elves, can help you.

But, do not anger the luck elves. No matter how lucky you are, if you anger the luck elves, you will be very unlucky for a while. That A you wanted, will turn into a D at best. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/other will leave you for someone/something else. You will also be taunted by the luck elves. The luck elves, will laugh at you all the time, but you will just think your crazy when you hear laughter.

Luck elves have been known to disguise as people. When they disguise as people, they tend to either be the most annoying person ever, or the meanest person ever. Do not freak out on a luck elf. If you freak out, they will send their luck elf buddies to taunt you with their laughter, and give you awful luck. There is a way out though. Its called the luck clause. The luck clause, is where after a while, they cant use their magic on you for a while. They either cant make your luck good, or they cant make their luck bad. So, if you have angered the luck elves, dont worry. Its not forever. If your looking for good lluck for a little while, make sure to make the elves happy. Because after that, they will give you bad luck. If you naturally have bad luck, do not anger the luck elves.

Luck Elves, are very impatient. If you dont carry out a deal in a certain amount of time, then they will curse you with bad luck until you do. Say you plan to make them a little house. IF you dont do it on a timely basis, you will be cursed with bad luck and their cruel laughter. The longer it takes, the worse luck you get, until you hit rock bottom. and sit on a unicorn.

Now. I know your probably wondering. How do I defeat the luck elves? Well, if you give them chocolate is one thing, but if you add a foot rub, its almost guaranteed that you will have good luck. But, the best thing you can do, is avoid them all together.

Awkward Situations.

So we've all been in an awkward situation. Maybe you went to the mall, and ran into that friend that you have that you dont particularly like, and they want to hang out with you. So, since you dont want to hurt their oversensitive feelings, you hang out with them for THREE HOURS, while they talk about every single detail in their life And they will keep talking, until your driven to almost want to just let loose a rabid dog on them. Or, another awkward situation is if your going to the movies, and you see your best friend. So, you go over to say hi, but their with their boyfriend/girlfriend/unsure. So, then you are standing there awkwardly with them and their boyfriend/girlfriend/other with a giant reaping awkward silence. The point is, we have all been there.

So. How do you avoid these situations? Here are a a couple of tips.

1. Your friend who is not really your friend at the mall.

So. you see that annoying friend you dont really want to be friends with at the mall, and they insist on hanging out. All you have to do, is carry a spider with you. When you carry a spider with you, as soon as you see them, make them turn away. Activate plan spider attack. As they turn away, put your little arachnid friend on their shoulder. As soon as they turn back, inform them of the spider on their shoulder. Almost always, your friend will freak out, giving you enough time, to run as if Chuck Norris was chasing you.

2. Your best friend, and their boyfriend/girlfriend/unknown.
So, we all know how it feels to bump into your bestfriend, and their with their boyfriend/ girlfriend/unkown. If this situation happens to you, you usually just end up standing there awkwardly, until saying "well i gotta go." or something like that. But that doesnt need to be how things work. You could always, break out into song. You know how in musicals and movies and all of that, the people seem to continuously break out in song? Well thats all you have to do. Always carry your ipod with you, and make sure you can put it on speaker. When you put it on speaker, you find a song you can all sing along to. This will usually break the tension, and give you an excuse to sing. Make sure you also sing very loudly and off key.

3. Mixing up someones gender.

So your friend tells you that they want to introduce you to one of their friends, named Alex. So you go to your friends house, and theres a person there. You smile, and get ready to say hi, when you realize something. You dont know if their a boy or a girl! Their hair is medium and could be either long guy hair, or short girl hair. So you look towards the face, but theres no makeup or any sign that their a girl, but their face seems to be femalish. So you go to the body, but they seem to be indifferent there too. You even try the clothes, but its a t-shirt and shorts that could go either way. So, you dont want to get caught staring at them, but you honestly dont know what they are. So you introduce yourself and they say "Hi, im Alex." In a voice thats either deep for a girl or high for a guy. You finally lean towards a very feminine guy. So you say "Nice to meet you man." But then, a look of shock comes over their face, and you know youve messed up. Now their ranting you about how much of a girl they are, and you have a giant blush on your face. So. What do you do now? You start quoting Shakespeare. If you quote Shakespeare, they may forget about your simple mistake, and wonder why on Earth you are quoting Shakespeare. Or, you could also start talking about history. You could go on and on until their bored mind falls asleep. Or, you could even quote Shakespeare while telling about history, and relating the two.

4. Getting Caught doing something Stupid.

Another thing that we all have done, is getting caught doing something stupid. So, lets say that your supervisors are gone for the day. Your all alone at home. So, you go put on a pair of loose shorts, and a white button down shirt, with socks, and start doing the dance scene for Risky Business. You know all of the steps, and have the music blasting. The music is in fact, so loud, you dont hear the door open. So here you are, dressed like Tom Cruise, dancing to Risky Business. Your screaming it at the top of your lungs. and as you get to "I LIKE THAT OLD TIME ROCK N ROLL!" you hear somebody laughing. So , you freeze, and slowly turn around to see your best friend with their phone out, video taping you. You are so mortified that anybody saw this, that your run and hide. So. What should you really do? You should tackle your friend. Once you tackle your friend, steal their phone and erase the video. So, then, you find a chair and some rope. You tie your friend to this chair, and grab a ruler. Speaking in a bad russian accent, you say "So. do you vant to tell anybody about zis?" and if your friend says no, you can let them go, and run to get changed. If they say yes, hit them with the ruler. Repeat this, until they say no.

5. Caught watching something embarassing.
So your home alone again, and get bored. On Facebook, everybody is talking about the Justin Bieber video. Now, your friends HATE justin bieber. but you kind of like him. Its not that you think the music is good.... you just might kind of somewhat like the lyrics. So, you decide to sneakily watch it while nobody is around. You even start singing to yourself. Then, your singing loudly. Your smiling too. So you turn around. You forgot that your best friend lives next door, and you forgot that she knew how to get into your house if there is an emergency. So you look behind you, and there she is, holding your dog. Your dog must of gotten out while your were watching Justin Bieber. So, your watching this, while your friend is in shock, holding your little dog. So you try to close the page down, but it wont go down. Because when your embarassed, the world hates you. So, what now? The best way to go is memory erasing gell. But, if you dont have any of that, you deny everything. You deny it, by telling them that they love Jbeebs. When they deny it, put out a bunch of random words. Then, ask them what you were just talking about. They will get confused, and forget, and your Jbeeb secret, is safe.

6. Embarrasing Stain

So. Today, you went to lunch and ordered a burger with chilli cheese fries. You forgot to eat breakfast, and werent hungry last name, so right now your STARVING. your with your friends, so your not embarassed to eat like a pig. So, you do. You shovel that chili into your mouth. Once your done, you notice you spilled a little on your shirt. No big deal. So you go and get a jacket to cover up the chilli cheese. So you come back, the stain is gone, and you sit down. When you sit down, you hear a squish. You think "this would happen to me." because today, you decided to wear white pants. So you get up, and look down. You sat in chilli cheese fries. They had spilled when you got up. So, now you have a giant red-brown stain on your white pants. Your jacket isn't big enough to cover it. So what do you do? well, if you have a dog, walk the dog around. People will be so concerned about the adorable dog that your walking, they wont notice your pants. If you are sadly dogless, steal a friends pants. Im sure that you have a friend that would let you use their pants. Usually go for baggy jeans. Then, you dont even have to take off the white pants. If no friend will let you use their pants, just steal their pants. They'll get over it eventually.